Okay, I'm ready to get off this ride...

We are still in the 'hurry-up-and-wait' mode on the new wee man.  He is almost fourteen months old now.  I can't believe we have been trying to have him placed since he was nine days old.  NINE DAYS OLD!!!  The red-tape and bureaucracy of the state adoption system is beyond extensive and ridiculous.  They ask for families to step up and foster and/or adopt and then they make it so incredibly hard that very few families actually make it to the 'end'.  So we trudge on... we continue to wait.

Lance's father passed away December 2, 2013.  It was unexpected, yet peacefully.  He said his evening prayers with Mom and they gave each other their goodnight kiss.  Mom got up to go use the bathroom and while gone she heard a strange sound from the bedroom and called out to Dad.  He never answered.  She came out to him and tried to "wake him up"... he was already gone.  The doctors said his heart simply stopped.  It was done doing it's job.  Our entire family (Lance's brothers) traveled to Texas to rally around Mom and lay Dad to rest.  My crew have never experienced death of someone close to them.  They were mourning their grandpa but so enjoyed spending nine days with cousins that they get to only see at Sunriver every year.  It was a horrible reason to see family, but so wonderful to see them.  
As I was driving up to the airport, a song jumped into my mind.  I started singing it... my kids and Lance were all sleeping.  Lance hadn't slept since the phone call the night before.  "O My Father"... I knew that Dad wanted me to sing that at his funeral.  Mom approached me the next morning and asked me to sing.  THAT was HARD!  I wanted to do the song justice but didn't know if my emotions would allow me to sing.  I practiced at the church with the sister who would accompany me and I did okay... even with Lance bawling in the audience.  BUT, the day of... wow!  I was regretting committing to do it.  I was a bundle of nerves.  I was so emotional.  I was drained from supporting Lance and my children (each melted down at different times and I was being the rock for all of them).  I uttered a few fervent prayers and did it.  I felt strong, my voice held out true and it was beautiful.  I am so grateful that I could honor Dad's memory using my talent.  He is sorely missed and we love him "heaps".   

Our leasers have now informed us that due to credit issues they will not be able to purchase our home after all.  They are still renting the home... for now.  We have no clue when/if they will be moving out.  We are trying to figure out a plan... sell it (at a loss), continue to rent it to Shannons or another family OR return to Texas and live in it ourselves.  I know, craziness.  Lance is really feeling pulled to return.  He wants to be near his mom and help at the family farm.  Our crew's education in Texas was legions ahead of the curriculum that Oregon has to offer.  Me?  Well, I want to be where Heavenly Father needs us to be.  I had no choice about moving before... we were forced to Vegas and then on to Dallas.  No vote, just told.  If we were to return to Texas it would be our choice.  I want my family to be happy.  I want to serve wherever we are supposed to be.  We have made it a matter of fasting and prayer and we feel confident that the Lord will provide a way for us no matter where we are to be.  

Crazy roller coaster eh?  We are praying that some things will come to a resolution soon... the new wee man and where we are to live.  I really dislike limbo-land... I'm ready to get off this ride now... thanks.