I have found a blog that has brought me so much peace, joy, laughter and tears. This woman is a beacon in my very foggy harbor of life.
She wrote today about her devine design of being created to adopt. She and her husband are infertile and she wrote:
"we are not broken, rather, we were designed to adopt."
Oh man I needed to read this today. I'm three weeks post-op and now the glimmer of secretly hoping to conceive is forever GONE. I'm designed to adopt.
Designed to be on an emotional roller coaster for years cutting red tape and dealing with others who don't always have our best interest in mind. Designed to be threatened and stalked by a scary birth father. Designed to take on little spirits who were exposed to meth and alcohol and dealing with the full extent of those effects. Designed to hear from my little ones that they want to go be with their "REAL" mommy. (They have this delusional idea that she is some fabulous rich awesome woman that can give them everything they want and will never say 'no'. ) Designed to be handed a couple of baby girls, told to love and cherish them cuz they are ours and then to have one taken a week later and the other taken when she is nine months old.
I'm not going to lie. I have gone through bitterness periods. Feelings of being given little ones who had already been abused and neglected... 6 months old, 2 years old and 18 months old. Wondering why the only tiny infants we were given, were then given to others. Wondering why we weren't given the chance to have a baby from infancy. A baby that WE got to name and experience all the 'firsts' with. I don't have a complete story for any of my children. I can't tell them when they first smiled, what their first words were and my girls were walking before they came to us.
But, nothing is by accident.
We were created to adopt. Fan-C, Tank and Tiny-T knew they would come to our home and I'm grateful that my sister in law put the bug in our ear about adopting through the foster system. It was a LONG hard road. A road full of potholes and switchbacks.
After all the miles we can turn around and look at the road and KNOW that it has been worth it ~ as we hold and cuddle with our three beautiful children.
It has all been worth it...
2 comments:
mrs. r is fabulous (in writing and in person)! And I love knowing our devine design is to adopt...because God saved that for the special people!
I am thinking about starting up an "Adoption play group". I realized that I know a ton of Adoptive Mommy's and we should really all get to hang out together everyonce in awhile!
I just read a whole bunch of your posts. You're a great writer, so sweet and as funny as you ever were. Life sure doesn't turn out like we thought it would did it? At girls camp we never dreamed life would be so hard did we? My family continually tells me I am the strongest one in the family and I don't feel strong. I suppose you probably don't feel strong, but when I read your blog I feel your strength, and faith and the same awesome Steph I knew at girls camp. Your kids are lucky to have you, it sounds like you saved them from a terrible fate, and gave them the gospel too. I'm so impressed you walked a 5K. I sure couldn't do that right now. And with all of your bleeding too. Good grief, that sounds impossible. Are you super anemic? I'm glad you got it taken care of. I hope your body gives you a break from surgeries for a while, like at least a decade. So glad to get back in touch with you. Hugs and kisses from the coldest place on earth.
Post a Comment