Grateful...

Got some negative vibes from my previous post.  
Lovely messages like, "you should be grateful you GET to be a mother to your adopted children."
Hmmmm, I did acknowledge that in my post.  
So here is the thing...
Although I have been BLESSED to become a mother through the miracle of adoption, my post was focused on how I was feeling yesterday.

My first child came to us at almost seven months old.  His first smile, first rollover, first crawl, first solid food... all those moments were already done.  I have absolutely NO RECORDS on anything that happened prior to his placement with our family.  

Our second child came four months later and she was 28 months old.  We didn't get to experience ANY firsts in her life.  She was talking, walking, and SPELLING when she was placed with us.  

Our third child came at 18 months old and again, all her firsts were done.  Again, no records to tell us dates or anything for her.  

What I was feeling, what I AM feeling... I just wanted to experience ONE time having a brand new baby placed in my arms.  A new wee one that has all the firsts still to come and that we can experience and celebrate with the child.  So we found out about a little man when he was nine days old!  Shortly before Christmas last year... they wanted to place with us immediately.  We frantically ran around and gathered and prepared to have the BEST Christmas present ever come to our home.  Then we got the call... they were putting the brakes on his case and we would need to wait a little bit.  It has now been 10 months and everyday that passes means that more 'firsts' are passing and we aren't going to be able to know or celebrate those moments with him.  We've jumped through endless hoops and we are still in the 'hurry up and wait' mode.  In this case, I wish we could have been blessed with being able to afford and experience 'traditional' adoption and have him in our arms from the moment he was born.  We haven't ever been able to be blessed with that experience.  

Adoption world is kinda cruel... you make up your file, assemble your scrapbook and have your case study done and then the birth parents flip through endless books and choose a family for their wee one.  Well, I'm never going to win in a popularity contest and we haven't.  YEARS and not one selection.
So those of you blessed to have your own children through childbirth and those of you blessed to adopt from birth... hold onto your wee ones and cherish every moment.  There are many others who would give anything to have those moments too.